Personal Blog

Settling In…

Every day I seem to find new examples that prove Bob Marley right…

“Everything’s going to be alright.”


But seriously. We get so caught up in “this situation is not ideal, now let me sit and pout and dwell on the worst possible outcome that this situation will develop into tomorrow.” Or we sit and worry, and furrow our brow until our head hurts, thinking, “what if, what if, what if??” And as our gut clenches and negative thoughts cover the sun in our hearts, we have missed a beautiful butterfly flying past, forgot to acknowledge the feeling of our soft clothes, or not returned the smile of a stranger passing by. And what have we accomplished to remedy our situation? Nothing. We just feel sick and sad instead of uplifted and content from the positive things surrounding us in THAT moment. I have to remind myself to just take it day by day because the sun WILL rise tomorrow and chances are it will bring with it joy and homemade remedies for all your woes.

Woo! That was just a rant to prelude how things are going….

I started to get down on my situation because the family was giving me strife. We have very different outlooks on life, happiness and raising children, which is fine..except that I live with them so it’s not an easy thing to escape. Also there is a level of judgment that seems to hang in the air like gnats…never drawing blood, just annoying me in a hazy cloud with a watchful eye. It doesn’t help that I have been referred to twice as “what’s her name,” and “Rebecca.” Also I was feeling very lonely because the town I am living in is not very conducive to the young, wild, and…broke. I also have very little access to transportation and I am far away from the cool hippy town of the North Shore, and the University/Downtown area of Honolulu.

Those were my woes….blah blah blah….and because I was fixated on them, simple things like the crazy wind, colder weather, or the tourists were extra annoying as they covered up the crescent blue beaches and purple sunsets like bad graffiti over a mural.


If there was ever a time to focus on the positives rather than the negatives it is now…because I have plenty of beautiful things to choose from.

Like this…


Sunrise over Lanikai Beach

Or this…


Manoa Falls after an adventurous hike :)

And of course…


Beautiful little lady bug Louisa


Open Mic at Morning Brews in Kailua, HI.

So I’m getting there. I am trying to get an evening job at this cool cafe where I played my first open mic in Hawaii. Everyone is here is so chill and welcoming. I think the biggest thing is that you never feel completely alone because someone WILL say good morning to you, smile at you, or even invite you to go swing dancing!! (Brianna I hope you are proud of me, I WILL be attending this).

Yeah this isn’t the chill, health conscious, happy family I envisioned, and sure Oahu is far from the deserted tropical wilderness that I hoped for, but I am slowly making a nest for myself. Twig by twig, branch by branch, smile by smile, and chance by chance…it’s all just rungs on the ladder. Don’t look up, don’t look down…just focus on the smooth wood under your hands and the strength and courage it takes you to take the next step.

Peace Out!



3 thoughts on “Settling In…

  1. That photo of your toes made me so happy. I miss them. I hope you can continue to find the beauty around you and still let yourself feel all your feelings. love you


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